From Summer 2009:
Yesterday's Gospel was the story of the multiplication of the loaves and fishes from John 6. Our priest gave an excellent homily about faith, but later in the afternoon as I worked on our budget I meditated on a different aspect of the story. Andrew says, "There is a boy here who has five barley loaves and two fish; but what good are these for so many?" John 1:8-9.
I thought for a while about the boy. I am sure he was just as hungry as the rest of the crowd. What was he thinking as all this transpired? Had he offered his lunch so that Jesus wouldn't go hungry and would continue to teach and heal? Had the disciples cajoled him out of it or had they just noticed him unwrapping it and sitting down to eat and not even requested it yet?
I feel pretty confident that whatever the situation, the boy gave his lunch willingly, but probably not knowing what was about to happen. And I have to wonder did he, even for the briefest moment wonder, "But I am hungry too, what will I eat now?"
He could have been a better person than I am and that would not have even crossed his mind. But I assure you it would have crossed mine, even if I was giving my lunch up willingly.
That was where I found myself yesterday. Wondering what was left, how the money that comes in will possibly cover all we need it too - it always looks like such a dire situation on paper, and yet we always get by. But my ability to have faith and hope that God had us in His hands faltered.
If we stop there in the story we miss the whole point. We are left with a hungry little boy who has volunteered his lunch. But if we continue we realize that while he had no idea what was about to happen, what did happen was more than he could have ever dreamed. Not only was he fed all he needed, but so was every one around - because he was willing to sacrifice his lunch that day.
As a mother, my energy and time sometimes feel like that boy's lunch - not nearly enough to go around. But if I keep handing it over to Jesus, letting Him have it ALL, even when I wonder "but what about ME?" he can do more with it than I ever dream of doing.