Put and Take

Sometime between 6 and 9 months old my kids learn a fun little game we like to call "Put and Take".  They hand me a toy and I hold it in their reach.  The child looks me in the face and then takes the toy back again. Put and take, over and over, like a first game of catch or a very early introduction to sharing.  It becomes a favorite game as they bring me different things and put them in my hand and take them back again.

I play this game often with God, in a slightly less cute way.

I always picture myself handing my problems over to God as if they were written on a scrap of paper and telling him that I really do trust Him.  But then after fidgeting about in front of Him for a few minutes, I reach up and grab it back.  I just need to tweak something first before He can have it.  And then I hand it back again.  "Are you sure?" He asks me, "Can I really have it?"

"Yes, I'm sure.  But let me fold it one more time just to make sure it is ready for You to handle it."
"Ok," He says.  He never stops me from taking it back.

And so I carry my little problem over to the corner and fuss over it, knowing that God's hand is open and waiting.  Knowing that I need to let Him have it.

Finally, I work up the strength to hand it over to Him.  I walk away, casting glances over my shoulder.  He doesn't seem to be doing anything with it at all and I wonder if maybe I should go ahead and handle it myself anyway.  Usually at this point, my addled brain gets distracted by some new problem or excitement and I forget to take this problem back.  My own forgetfulness keeps me out of a lot of trouble.

But while I am distracted, my loving Father takes this little paper problem and makes it into something I could never have imagined.  As Jen @ Conversion Diary so succinctly put it the other day, "I'm not good at knowing what I want; I'm terrible at knowing what I need."

My game of Put and Take this week involved the schooling of my children.  This week I received an email, on my birthday no less, that the school where my older children go for Jr High and High School is moving.  Right now we have a 20 minute commute to their school each way and I hate it.  It makes it very hard to deal with extra curricular activities and makes for a lot of time in the car for the little ones.  This new location would bring our daily car time up to over 3 hours a day, more if someone had an extra activity or tutoring.  This is just not compatible with our family life and having small children around. 

I was devastated.  Crushed.

While my current sophomore could probably finish her high school career there, my younger kids would not have that opportunity, and that broke my heart.  I cried on and off for two days.

Then came another email exposing a potential health threat with this new location.  I have only minimally researched whether or not this is valid, but what it showed me is that I cannot foresee the possibilities here.  Maybe something will come to light and this move will be canceled.  Maybe it will go forward as planned.  I have no idea.  The message I got loud and clear is that whatever the outcome, God still holds us in His hand.  He sees things that I can't possibly imagine.  There are two more years before this move would take place and anything could happen in that time.

So for now, I will write this problem on a piece of paper and put it back in the hand of God and say a little prayer, "Let it be done to me".  He has the outcome under control, even if I don't like what it will be.